merton

"Now at last let me begin to live by faith. Quaerite primum regnum Dei. Seek first the kingdom of God. Why do I mistrust Your goodness, mistrust everyone but myself, meet every new event on the defensive, squared off against everybody?
Dear Lord, I am not living like a monk, like a comtemplative. The first essential is missing. I only say I trust You. My actions prove that the one I trust is myself - and that I am still afraid of You.
Take my life into Your hands at last. Do whatever You want with it. I give myself to Your love. I mean to keep on giving myself to Your love - rejecting neither the hard things nor the pleasant things You have arranged for me. It is enough for me that You have glory. Everything You have planned is good. It is all love."
- Thomas Merton

I have read this, thought it, prayed it... and the more I do the more I realize my lack of trust. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be fully trusting of God. He won't be restricted by the shapes I like to fit him into... so do we just come to him each day and say "help"? I will.